Joseph Abraham Gorman and Matthew Joseph Capbarat’s first meeting wasn’t a blind date by design. But it ended up feeling like one — and a wildly successful one at that.
In mid-November 2019, Carrie Lafferty, a mutual friend, invited friends to join her for drinks at Hi Tops, a sports bar in San Francisco.
“We were the only two who showed up,” Mr. Gorman said.
Ms. Lafferty and Mr. Capbarat, who were roommates at the time, arrived together. Mr. Gorman was already there, waiting. And the spark was almost instant, he recalled: “Matt took his jacket off and he had a T-shirt on and I thought he was very attractive.”
The feeling was mutual. “We were both trying to keep our cool,” Mr. Capbarat said. “We were both very smitten but tried to act like nothing had changed in the universe.” They exchanged social media handles that night, but it was a busy time for both.
“I was going on an international trip a day or two later,” Mr. Gorman said.
Still, they messaged one another on Instagram. It would be almost a month before they met in person again: Both were invited to the same Christmas party in San Francisco, but Mr. Gorman was in Denver visiting his brother.
“Matt messaged me and was like, ‘I’m going to this party. You should go,’” Mr. Gorman said. “It was somewhat aggressive.”
“It was very intentional,” Mr. Capbarat said. “I was shooting my shot.”
And the shot was well-received: “I hopped on an early flight and met Matt at the party,” Mr. Gorman said. He even bought a new outfit for the occasion.
The two, however, didn’t talk much at the party. “It was like we both knew we were into each other,” Mr. Gorman said. “So we didn’t have to do the small talk.”
“It was a game of chess,” Mr. Capbarat said. “We were sitting next to each other and talking to the people next to us. There was a lot communicated without saying much.”
When Mr. Capbarat left the party, Mr. Gorman followed. “It was unspoken,” Mr. Gorman said. The two then went back to Mr. Gorman’s nearby apartment. “I moved in for a kiss and was really surprised Matt pulled back,” Mr. Gorman said. “He said something along the lines of him wanting this to be something more and so just take a beat. I got it because I felt the same way.” The two spent much of the night talking.
Two days later, Mr. Gorman went to Mr. Capbarat’s house to help him make holiday cookies for his co-workers.
The holidays, Mr. Capbarat said, made the date all the more special. “It was a fun way to get in the spirit.” The night, they said, was perfect. The cookies, however, were not; Mr. Capbarat blamed the baking soda.
Mr. Capbarat, 33, is the owner of the Matthew Capbarat Agency, an insurance agency in Walnut Creek, Calif. He has a bachelor’s degree from the University of California, Berkeley in theater and anthropology and an M.F.A. in acting from the American Conservatory Theater, or A.C.T. He grew up in Walnut Creek.
Mr. Gorman, 40, is a lawyer at the international law firm Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher LLP, and a lieutenant in the U.S. Navy Reserve, serving as an intelligence officer. He received a bachelor’s degree from the State University of New York at Geneseo in economics and political science and a law degree from the University of San Diego School of Law. Mr. Gorman is from Syracuse, N.Y.
The next day, Mr. Gorman headed back East to spend Christmas with his family, but returned in time for New Year’s Eve, which the two celebrated on what they call their first real date.
“It was a black-tie, masquerade ball, so we wore masks that Matt got from the American Conservatory Theater,” Mr. Gorman said. They also wore tuxedos and met for champagne and caviar beforehand at Mr. Gorman’s apartment, followed by dinner at Fang.
Their faces may have been hidden that night, but their interest in one another certainly was not. The couple said when they spoke to the host later, “Their friends were like, we could tell you were so in love that night,” Mr. Capbarat said. The two were an item from that moment on.
They took the first of many Tahoe ski trips together at the start of the new year, and on Feb. 1, 2020, Mr. Gorman got to meet many of Mr. Capbarat’s family and friends when Mr. Capbarat hosted a “very San Francisco party,” he said, “where everyone could wear whatever wig they wanted.” (The party was called “The Big Wig Shindig,” he added.)
That same month, Mr. Capbarat went to Barcelona, Spain, with his cousins for a couple of weeks. Mr. Gorman gave him a pack of cards to open — one each day while he was away. “Each card started with a letter that ultimately spelled ‘I love you,’” Mr. Gorman said.
In March, the two were with friends in Tahoe when the resort where they were skiing announced they were shutting down because of the coronavirus.
As the couple drove home to San Francisco on March 15, a friend shared they were getting a dog and there was one litter mate still unclaimed. “We decided then and there to get our yellow Labrador retriever, Otto,” Mr. Gorman said. The dog went home with them a couple weeks later.
In January 2021, the two moved into a house in the Presidio, a neighborhood in San Francisco where they continue to live.
Mr. Gorman said he knew he wanted to marry Mr. Capbarat when he was in Alaska climbing Denali, the highest mountain peak in North America, in May 2021 for more than 20 days. It was quite an ordeal: “We got stuck at 17,000 feet for six days,” Mr. Gorman said. “My tentmate got frostbite and lost four fingers.”
They were unable to communicate over those three weeks. But after he reached the summit, he was able to send him one message telling Mr. Capbarat of his accomplishment and that he loved him. Mr. Capbarat “responded that the whole family was toasting me from his cousin’s wedding,” Mr. Gorman said — a wedding he had to miss because the climb ended up taking so long.
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In April 2023, Mr. Capbarat proposed to Mr. Gorman at Crissy Field beach in San Francisco. That morning they went to Barry’s Bootcamp to take a class and then headed to the beach with Otto. Mr. Capbarat suggested a walk, to which Mr. Gorman, admittedly “hangry,” refused Mr. Capbarat’s offer of juice and muffins after class, said no.
Instead, they sat down on some driftwood. “I opened the ring box and this woman walks over and says, ‘Your dog stole my dog’s ball.’ She finally realized what was happening and said, ‘Was I interrupting something really important?’” Mr. Capbarat said.
The two married June 29 on the deck at Palisades Resort’s High Camp, which is 8,200 feet above sea level. Guests took a 10-minute, 85-person capacity tram to get there. The resort, previously known as Squaw Valley Resort, is in Olympic Valley, Calif., where the 1960 Winter Olympics were held.
Emily Hart-Gorman, Mr. Gorman’s older sister and one of his nine siblings, was ordained by American Marriage Ministries to perform the ceremony. “When I got to the end of the aisle, it was a snapshot I will never forget,” Mr. Capbarat said.
Cocktail hour was held on the deck as the sun began setting, and a reception followed in the Terrace Room.
A seated dinner was served before the dancing commenced. “The dance party was overwhelming because of how fun it was,” Mr. Gorman said. “Everyone was out there.”
The dreamy mountain weekend was filled with personal details like a cutout of Otto’s head passed around the dance floor and handwritten notes given to every guest. All of which was quite characteristic of the pair, according to all of the toasts throughout the weekend, particularly one given by Mr. Capbarat’s friend from college, Andrew Sublett, who said in his welcome party toast: “Joe’s love language is creating memories.”
On This Day
When June 29, 2024
Where High Camp at the Palisades Resort, Olympic Valley, Calif.
Tahoe, the ‘Happy Place’ Mr. Capbarat grew up skiing and spending summers in Lake Tahoe and performed with the Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival while in graduate school. The couple bought an A-frame cabin there in January 2022, and spend as much time there as they can. “The mountains and lake are our happy place,” Mr. Capbarat said.
Luck of the Irish The wedding included a handfasting ceremony. “Ireland is a big part of Joe’s life, having studied abroad there, and spending a lot of time there since,” Mr. Capbarat said. Mr. Gorman grew up in a heavily Irish part of Syracuse, near Tipperary Hill, so Irish that a streetlight is famously upside down so the green is on top.
All the World’s a Stage Two of Mr. Capbarat’s talented classmates from A.C.T., Lauren Hart and Michael McIntire, performed the song “Great Adventure” from the Tony Award-winning musical “Kimberly Akimbo.” Mr. Gorman and Mr. Capbarat saw the show with Ms. Hart and fell in love with it.
Near Miss Following the ceremony, Mr. Gorman wanted a photo with the tram behind the two of them. “The plan was to get it at sunset.” But they were on the wrong side of the event center as the tram was quickly approaching on the other. “We were running across the rocks. We got to the door, and the door was locked. The guy was sprinting to get the key.” They traversed the building and ran back outside. Much to their delight, “There was the tram, and we got the shot,” Mr. Gorman said.
