Having already won the hearts of awkward individuals across the world with 2013’s Frances Ha, Greta has teamed up with director and boyfriend Noah Baumbach again on Mistress America. When Tracy, played by Lola Kirke, moves to the city for college she befriends her glamorous older step-sister-to-be, Brooke, played by Greta, who introduces the teen to her whirlwind of a life in NYC. It’s impossible not to fall hard and fast for the unlikely duo, who are wonderfully relatable as they team up in attempt to make their dreams come true. As coming of age is Greta’s thing, her Mastermind specialist subject, when joining her in her London hotel room for a chat, we shake hands backwards (there’s a glass of fizzy water in her other) and settle down for some much needed advice. Take note…
“With the characters of Frances in Frances Ha and Tracy in Mistress America, I put so much of my own growing up into them. I don’t have a way to fit it neatly into a box because I feel like it continually happens for the rest of your life. There isn’t a moment where you become who you are and that’s it. I think you keep finding all these dark corners and shining light on them and as you figure them out, your inside and your outside come closer together so that you’re not so fractured in that way. When I look back at me at 18, the things I wish I could say are….
1. Get enough sleep… “You need a lot of sleep. Sleep does not make you uncool, it makes you function. And even though it might feel awesome to stay up ’til three and try to get to class at nine, it’s just gonna make you fall asleep in class, which will make professors think that you don’t care. So prioritise sleep.”
2. You aren’t fat… “You’ve never been fat. Stop trying to diet, it’s a waste of time and you’re beautiful.”
3. Cut your hair, dye it, fuck it up… “It’s just hair. It’ll grow back, it doesn’t matter.”
4. Don’t get a tattoo… “I didn’t get a tattoo. If I had gotten a tattoo at 18, it would’ve been a tattoo of the sheep in The Little Prince. I’m sure there are people who have that tattoo and it looks awesome, but on me I think it would just look strange and I’m very glad I didn’t do it.”
5. Stay in touch with the people who knew you when you were seven… “In some ways I think that they’re the people who’re most connected to who you’ll become – even though it sounds paradoxical. I think by the time you’re 18, you’re already presenting an idea of yourself and I think you’re always trying to get back to who you were at seven or eight, when you were less conscious of yourself as an entity. And so the people who knew you at seven or eight probably knew the person you were trying to return to.”
6. Write thank you notes… “A good handwritten thank you note never goes amiss. My mom always forced me to do it and I hated it because I just got all these presents and now I have to pay for it! But it’s a really good thing and people really appreciate it. Plus it just makes the world a little bit nicer.”
7. Follow what you actually like vs. what you think you should like… “Be honest with yourself about what you like and what you don’t like. I think I used to spend a lot of time imagining a girl who was cooler and smarter and better than myself, and what she would do. But the truth is, it didn’t matter what she would do because I wasn’t that girl. I had this idea that it would be super cool if I was into science, but I didn’t care about science! What I wanted to do was study restoration drama and Elizabethan poetry, and I tried to stay away from it because I felt like I didn’t wanna be the kind of girl who likes that. And that’s stupid because that was the kind of girl I was.”
8. Admit when you don’t know things… “It feel like at 18 I would spend a lot of time fronting that I knew things I didn’t actually know about. And I missed out on learning things because if you just admit that you don’t know who that band is or that you’ve never read that book, somebody will explain it to you or point you in the right direction. I think I was too focused on trying to save face by acting like I knew things I didn’t. And you just don’t get anywhere from that! The only thing that’ll happen is your own ability to bullshit will improve, which isn’t a great thing to strengthen.”
9. Don’t start smoking… “I sound like my mum but don’t start smoking. It’s a terrible way to die. I know I’ve had characters of mine smoke in films, and I hope it never made anybody think it’s cool. It’s not cool. Don’t do it. It’s so stupid. I’ve been that person and I wish I’d never done it. That’s serious, and I do mean it! It’s not cool.”
10. Life does not end at 30… “Don’t worry about that. I think between 18-30, there’s this sense that; this is my chance, I’m young, I have to do everything, this is when I have to fulfil all my ambitions. But what I actually think ends up happening is that you have a lot of anxiety which prevents you from moving forward. But if you’re lucky enough to be around, it’s a long life! And you’re young until you’re like 80. I really believe that. Now I have friends who are in their 50s and their 60s and even their 70s and they’re still so young in the most meaningful way. And I think this sense that it’s all going to go to shit when you turn 30 couldn’t be further from the truth.”
The wonderful Mistress America is due for release 14th August 2015.
When 13 Reasons Why was renewed for its second season, no one thought that a follow-up season would be worth it. We’d already figured out exactly why and how Hannah (Katherine Langford) ended her own life, piecing together clues from her mysterious tapes.
But the Netflix original series proved us wrong in Season 2 when it showed just how far the people at Liberty High School would go to protect themselves as justice was sought for both Hannah and the other victimized women. 13 Reasons Why just dropped the trailer for the third season, and we’re in full-on murder mystery territory.
Bryce Walker (Justin Prentice) is dead, and the list of people with motive to kill him is long. At the top of that list is Clay (Dylan Minnette), who has come a long way from the innocent avenger he was in the first season. But given what a predatory asshole Bryce was, it honestly could have been anyone from Jessica (Alisha Boe), who survived an assault at his hands, to Tyler (Devin Druid). Now that Hannah’s spirit has finally been laid to rest, another ghost is about to haunt Cresmont, California.
13 Reasons Why drops on August 23. Check out the trailer, below.
13 Reasons Why Season 3 Final Trailer: Who Killed Bryce Walker? | Netflix
Since the first try, I’ve had a couple of dating profiles on sites like Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. I even attempted EHarmony. Each time the setup is the same: Call a friend to help, get drunk, agonize over where to put the term “wheelchair user” in the bio, and try to find the best picture of myself…then wait.
I always disclose my disability in my profile, because I don’t have time for games or that extra tinge of fear that comes when you are trying to figure out when to reveal your big “secret” to someone. On my most recent try a few years ago, I was messaging with a guy for a few days, probably talking about a TV show. I was a big basketball fan at the time, so the subject came up. “I haven’t played, though,” I said, “I don’t know how to find a wheelchair basketball team.” He made polite conversation with me for the night and then…ghosted.
The most awkward encounter I had started out promising. This guy wrote paragraphs—as a writer, someone who’s eloquent and shows they’ve read my profile is a must. Aside from his ability to form coherent sentences, I wasn’t super into him, but I knew I wanted a real relationship, and to me that means taking time to get to know someone. Then one night he dropped the bomb: “I should tell you I’m a devotee.”
A devotee is someone who fetishizes wheelchairs and disability. Devotees inspire fear in me. I’m not here to fetish-shame anyone, but my disability isn’t who I am—it’s just one part. I knew almost instantly that I wouldn’t be able to handle being in a relationship like that. Still, I was curious. “So, erm, do you want to, like, know what brand my wheelchair is or something?” I asked. He did. Apparently, he was into my answer and asked if I wanted to move our chat off the app. I didn’t. The next day he completely disappeared from the site—perhaps in search of an even sexier wheelchair brand.
I quit online dating after that, choosing to focus on the other things that make me feel fulfilled instead. But I don’t want to be alone forever. Dr. Phil’s comments made me realize that I was internalizing other people’s damaging opinions about disability and dating. Somewhere in a dark corner of my mind, a little voice had been sending me the same message Dr. Phil wrongly promoted on his show. I’ve been seeing my disability as a burden—myself as a burden—and it’s kept me from pursuing the kind of relationship I want. My entire adult life I’ve been coming up with excuses, telling myself that I’m not independent enough to date.
So I decided to write this essay about how I’m ready to try again. This time reminding myself that dating with a disability isn’t about finding someone who’s turned on by my wheelchair or worrying about crossing the proverbial interabled line. Relationships, especially the good ones, aren’t about being completely self-sufficient. Relying on a partner—whether it’s to help you sort out a stressful situation at work, cook a meal, or open a door for you when you can’t—doesn’t make you a burden. But every time I tried to write the ending, the part where I stepped away from my computer and actually made a profile, I kept writing excuses.
Excuses are not an ending. So I called my best friend, allowed myself some wine to quell the fear, and we made me a dating profile. Now it’s official: I’m there. I’m on the apps, swiping the faces—more left than right, but hey, it’s a start. Is it easy? No. But I’m proud of myself for doing it anyway. Every other time I’d created a dating profile, there was an ulterior motive behind it—I was lonely or felt pressured to hurry up and find someone to prove that my disability isn’t a burden that disqualifies me from dating. This time I’m entering the dating world for me, because I know I’m worth getting to know.
“How do I have kinky sex safely and consensually?”
There are many reasons why people like to have kinky, creative sex. Creative, playful sex keeps our intimacy alive. Scenarios and collaborative roleplay can create memorable and unique bonds between lovers. For many adults stepping into the role of Master, Servant, Mommy, Daddy, or Princess gives them a chance to relinquish the monotony of work, bills, and capitalism-related stresses. Creating a unique role and dynamic in a safe scenario has proven to build confidence in individuals and to lessen PTSD experiences for some. There are so many reasons why people have kinky sex or engage in BDSM or roleplay. When kinky sex is practiced mindfully and consensually, people like myself with complex trauma histories can even heal by reenacting scenarios and giving them different endings.
Studies of American sex lives indicate that between 25-50% of us say that roleplay or BDSM interests us, so let’s discuss how to safely play and spot red flags in potential partners.
So, how do you begin? First, consider what types of touch or activities do not interest you and share this with your potential partner. Do you not like your anus touched? Tell your partner. Do you want feet to stay out of the equation? Tell your partner. For me, it’s as easy as saying, “I don’t want anything inserted in my ass unless I request it, and I don’t like spitting at all.” These are not limits to be tested; these are deal-breakers for me, and things that I want my partner to avoid unless they want me to never play with them again. Consider your deal-breakers and discuss them early, so you can find out if your partner and you have incompatible interests or desires. Dr Evelin Dacker is the CEO of Sex Positive Portland, and has created a model to help people talk about their STI status, turn-ons, avoids, relationship intentions and STI etiquette. Maketimeforthetalk.com can help you and your partner clarify these. Kink negotiation sheets are handy, but good ones can be difficult to find online. I recommend Jay Wiseman’s “SM 101” book, a kink bible for newbies and experienced players alike. Some socially progressive cities even host dungeon venues that offer workshops and classes for individuals and couples, like SubRosa in Portland, Oregon.
Know your status. Ask, “When was the last time you had an STI screening? Have you ever had a positive diagnosis?” If you or your partner haven’t got a clue about your statuses, get your buns to a clinic and ask for a full STI screening so that you can approach partners with the most information, and so you can seek medication for undiscovered bacterial infections. Many STIs do not cause symptoms in people, especially in people with penises. As an HSV1+ person, I am one of the estimated 50% of Americans who have some type of herpes virus; I get cold sores on my lips sometimes. This only means that I don’t play or share makeup or drinking glasses if I’m having an outbreak, and I’m able to play with other HSV1+ people without any concerns over transmission.
If you’ve never had an HIV test, get one. If you have a common bacterial infection like chlamydia, an antibiotic prescription will eliminate that. Sex is like any other contact sport: If you’re sharing germs, it’s important to be risk-aware and proactive. The CDC estimates that up to 90% of Americans will acquire HPV at some point in their lives — it’s time to drop the stigma about STIs. If your potential partner refuses this conversation, don’t fuck with them — they don’t have the maturity to protect their health or yours.
Pick a Safe Word. This is how you and your partner can communicate when you need to pause, or stop your play. Do not play with a person who does not use safe words. It means that this person is not invested in your consent or respecting boundaries, and it makes it impossible to know when to actually stop if needed. If a person ignores your safe word or shames you for using it when you need, do not play with them again. This person is not consensually kinky, nor are they considerate of your comfort or safety. One of the worst examples of lack of consent and of BDSM is an international best seller and was written by a person with zero knowledge or background in BDSM, and it shows. In “50 Shades of Grey,” the so-called “Dom” gets angry when his partner-Submissive uses her safe word. This is not normal or healthy or safe sex. Abuse has been glorified in these crudely-written books and films, and EL James perpetuated an unhealthy relationship model of people playing Dominant and Submissive. Avoid these books and films if you wish to really learn about kink and BDSM.
A safe word should be a word or phrase that typically isn’t stated during sex; “banana” or “poodle” tends to be popular. When I engage in tickle torture with my boyfriend, the word “skateboard” is uttered by me so that my boyfriend knows to stop so I don’t pee all over him. Some people like to use a “stop sign” signaling method to their partners, indicating to keep going with “green,” use caution or slow down with “yellow,” and to stop right now with “red.” Whatever you and your partner choose, making your safe word memorable and silly can help lighten the mood if your scene needs to pause or stop.
Allow your desires to develop organically. Kink contracts can and often should be rewritten as people learn more about what they like and don’t like. It is incorrect if a play partner tells you that a contract is permanent and can’t be altered. A kink/BDSM contract is like consent: It can change depending on context and changing factors. It is common for sex and turn-ons (and offs) to develop or alter over time. If a partner or potential partners tell you that your agreement to an activity or relationship is permanent, this is a red flag. All sex, including kinky sex, is meant to be fun and pleasurable, so if you need to adjust your requests and practices, do it. And if it’s not creating pleasure or adding quality to both your lives, why do it at all? I like the advice offered in “Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships” by Stella Harris. Dominant and Submissive roles do not have to remain affixed; after years of experimentation, I’m a happy “Switch.. The dynamics of my roleplay vary according to my partner(s) and I. Play into whatever roles feel good, and tell your partner what those are so they can best support you or participate.
Don’t get wasted. Many kinksters prefer to play sober, or nearly sober, and a one- or two-drink limit is a good idea in general. Intoxicants make it more difficult to gauge your touch to communicate or think clearly. People use drugs before sex because it can lessen anxiety, but if you’re feeling anxious, take some deep breaths and remember that life doesn’t look like the movies. It moves more slowly and people take breaks and readjust.
Get real about your sex. Don’t expect your play time to look like porn or television — you’ll fail to listen to your body and brain in real time. Porn and television is optimized for viewing, not feeling, and there is a fun aspect of shock value present in lots of art and porn. There always has been.
Entertainment often does not reflect realities or safer sex practices. The folks on Pornhub doing fun things like anal fisting and group sex also probably traded STI screening results and prepped with enemas before filming. Porn is entertainment, but it’s not real life. Sex workers and adult entertainers have real responsibilities when they produce pleasure scenes, and even they take water and bathroom breaks.
Communication is the key. Kink and BDSM does not have to be about impact play or hitting of any kind, but it’s a fun chosen activity for many kinksters. Impact play should start out slowly; begin with slight or small pressure or touch, and increase it as the Submissive requests. As the excitement and arousal builds in the person receiving the impact, so does the endorphin and adrenaline in the receiver’s body, which is why being hit safely and consensually can feel so good. The Sub should be the one who determines the power of the impact. It is the duty of a good Dom to serve your Submissive responsibly.
Establish dynamics and responsibility. It is a Submissive’s responsibility to communicate their boundaries in order to maximize their pleasure and to keep themselves safe. Your partner cannot read your mind and will continue to do things that you don’t like if you don’t guide them.
It is the Dominant’s responsibility to imagine a creative scene and initiate it, and to respect the boundaries of the Submissive throughout the interaction. Books like “The New Bottoming Book” or “The New Topping Book” by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton, respectively, are recommended reading. Being a Dominant is not about having ultimate control; it is a trusted responsibility to hold, and if you are inflicting control or force during the scene, offering aftercare to your partner is also recommended. Aftercare looks like whatever the Submissive needs: Do they need you to draw them a bath? Hold them in blankets and bring them water? It is common to offer check-ins after a scene has passed. A text or email the day after a scene is considerate and encouraging of a Dom/Sub bond.
Consider your needs. For folks with physical disabilities or chronic pain, being tied up or holding poses can be impossible or risky, so more adjustments may be needed and negotiations might need to be more specific. For example, saying, “Please bind all of my limbs but not my left leg, I’ve had a knee surgery and it can’t move that way” is an excellent piece of information to share with your Dominant. If you’re like the millions of Americans who live with trauma or mental health challenges, aftercare from a scene is even more important. Play with partners that respect your body and mind. Happy roleplaying!
Elle Stanger is a certified holistic sex educator, sex worker, and host of Strange Bedfellows Podcast.
El pantalón chino beige siempre te ha parecido de padre, de pijo, asociado a todas esas connotaciones negativas que te vienen a la cabeza cuando vas a vestirte. Sin embargo, lo cierto es que el pantalón beige tiene las mismas posibilidades que un vaquero. Puedes combinarlo con prácticamente todo sin necesidad de asociarlo a todo eso que a ti te parece mal.
Tiene su origen en las colonias del siglo XIX, y allí no había lo que hoy consideramos como “pijos”. La primera vez que se asocia a esta tribu urbana es alrededor de los años 40 – 50 del siglo XX en EE.UU., cuando surge el American Sportswear (la ropa cómoda de fin de semana). De ahí pasó a los estudiantes universitarios de la Ivy League, lo cuales se convertirían en abanderados del estilo preppy (ese que pasa por el pantalón chino, la camisa, la americana y los náuticos como básicos formales). Y el estilo preppy terminó derivando en lo que todo el mundo conoce hoy como “pijo”.
Pero no hay necesidad de utilizar el pantalón chino del mismo modo que lo hacían los preppies, ni de asociarlo automáticamente a ellos. Ahora que conoces cómo conseguir que te quede bien, hay otras maneras de mezclar y actualizar el pantalón beige. El truco para deshacerte de ese concepto intoxicado que tienes de él es descontextualiarlo de esa idea preconcebida.
Con una prenda de punto
Olvídate de la camisa Oxford, la típica de los preppy y, por ende, de los padres. Prueba a mezclar tu pantalón beige con una prenda de punto. Jerséis de cuello vuelto en invierno, de cuello redondo siempre y polos de punto en verano.
Deja los náuticos y los mocasines para otros pantalones, huye de la estética formal calzándote unas zapatillas, desde las más clásicas y bonitas a las ugly (para llevar el pantalón chino del clasicismo al extremo de la tendencia).
Si el pantalón vaquero pega con todo, las camisas vaqueras también. Por ello son la opción perfecta si no te cuadran las prendas de punto y eres más de camisa pero no quieres caer en lo clásico. Aquí, la chaqueta vaquera clásica de toda la vida también funciona sobre las prendas del punto anterior o sobre camisetas.
La originalidad consiste en el retorno al origen, explicaba Gaudí. Por qué no regresar entonces a los orígenes del pantalón chino y combinarlo como los colonos del siglo XIX –y como proponen las tendencias primavera / verano 2019–? En total look. Beige arriba y beige abajo. Eso sí, asegúrate de que el tono es el mismo.
It’s the night before Eid and I feel a little lost and alone. The nagging sensation that it doesn’t really feel like the night before Eid is tugging on me. I’m sitting in my London flat working on a deadline that’s due the next day and the only indication that the biggest celebration of the year is happening tomorrow is a text from my mum and dad, asking how I’m going to spend the day. I don’t have an answer. I just know that it’s not supposed to feel like this.
When I was a child, the night before Eid was almost as magical as Eid day itself. My family would do a huge food shop to prepare for the party we held every year and, because it was Eid the next day, nothing was off limits, including cake and crisps. But the main treat was choosing an Eid cereal, because sugary food was never allowed in our house. I always picked Coco Pops and, to this day, I have to eat a bowl of Coco Pops on Eid morning. It’s the only time in the whole year that I eat them.
Mesurant 41,4m de long et alimenté par deux moteurs de 4600 chevaux ainsi que deux hydrojets Rolls-Royce qui lui permettent de parcourir 3200km avec une vitesse maximale de 35 nœuds, le Royal Falcon One est une légende du monde du yachting. Pourtant, même si on parle de lui depuis dix ans – il a été commandé en 2009 – ce superyacht signé Porsche Design vient à peine d’être livré par le chantier naval de la ville de Nynäshamn en Suède où il était en train d’être fignolé par Kockums AB et les architectes Incat Crowther. Selon Porsche Design, son intérieur a été conçu avec “le désir de créer une impression de luxe fonctionnel avec un superbe choix de matériaux et un niveau exceptionnel de savoir-faire. Moderne mais intemporel. Minimaliste mais inspirant.” Cela se traduit notamment par un pont supérieur avec jacuzzi et suffisamment de cabines, suites privatives et lounges pour accueillir 10 invités très confortablement en plus des 10 membres d’équipage. On en sait peu sur le propriétaire de ce bateau exceptionnel sinon qu’il doit être très content de sa nouvelle acquisition.